Self-Criticism (constructive, probably)

Ok so back to INFJ.

I have compiled a list of shortcomings. Or more likely, select and compile, cos frankly, not all of them apply (one ridiculous one being that I block out other peoples' opinions, esp those who are 'less' than me..ridunkulous, to borrow the BFG's term, or is it..?)


• May quickly dismiss input from others without really considering it

• With their ability to see an issue from many sides, they may always find others at fault for any problems in their lives

• May be intolerant of weaknesses in others

• May believe that they're always right (but according to the personality right up, "'I' am always right, and I usually know it"..as Art got delight in drawing my attention to that sentence..heh)

• May be obsessive and passionate about details that may be unimportant to the big picture

• May be cuttingly derisive and sarcastic towards others

• May be tense, wound up, have high blood pressure and find it difficult to relax

• May hold grudges, and have difficulty forgiving people

• May be wishy-washy and unsure how to act in situations that require quick decision making

• May have difficulty communicating their thoughts and feelings to others

• May see so many tangents everywhere that they can't stay focused on the bottom line or the big picture


The reason for such is as explained:

\" Introverted iNtuition is a personality function that constantly gathers information, and sees everything from many different perspectives. As the dominant player in a personality, it has the effect of constantly bombarding the psyche with new information to consider.  If an entirely new piece of information is perceived by the Introverted iNtuitive, that person must redefine their entire framework of reference".

So this, apparently is the reason for my two greatest faults: rigidity and indecisiveness. Well I am generally welcoming of opinions but where my opinions are the strongest, I have great difficulty in opening my gateway to allow re-interpretation (probably due to pride and conviction). According to this explanation, introverted intuition as my dominant framework is a rather strong schema which I unconsciously rely on to process all the information that I gather, and it is quite a huge amount at that, due to my intuitiveness. This stubborn schema apparently resists stretching and redefinition. Which is true I guess. It takes quite a lot of convicting, humilty esp and pondering for me to accept the validity of a different opinion (the validity, mind you, not the opinion itself). But then again, I can't accept anything can't I? I need to have an opinion of what should work on my own. hmm.


The other shortcoming of indecisiveness is very real. I actually feel it all the more after I quit my previous job and am/was out of my comfort zone having to make many decisions both big and small. It appears that it is precisely cos my intuition absorbs all sorts of information of varying shades and intensity that it actually paralyzes me from making a good and quick decision; I could also be very well afraid of failing. Well, I guess I have to just accept that bounded rationality exists, but I do admit that I need lots of coaching and role modeling in terms of making good decisions and to be generally decisive when the occasion calls for it. The standards which I use to make my decisions on are usually self-centred and short-term too I fear.


The 'remedy'!:

"An INFJ who is concerned with personal growth will pay close attention to the subject of their judgments, and their motivation for making judgments". --alright so before I dismiss any very differing opinion or make hard judgments I should explore my blindspots and question the reason for thinking that way..alright..

• Take care to listen to someone's idea entirely before you pass judgment on it. Ask questions if neccesary. Do whatever it takes to make sure that you understand the idea. Try not to begin judging anything about the idea until you have understood it entirely.


• Before you begin talking to another person, pause for a moment and look at that person. Take in that person's attitude and feelings at that moment. Be aware of the person with whom you're speaking.

• Talk Through Your Thoughts. You need to step through your intuitions in order to put them into perspective. Give yourself time to do this, and take advantage of discussing ideas with others. You'll find externalizing your internal intuitions to be a valuable exercise.

• Keep Your Eye on the Big Picture Watch out for your tendency to become obsessed with details. If you find yourself feeling very, very strongly about a small detail, take a big step back and make sure that you can still see the goal. You're not going to get there if you get mired in the details.

• Relax! Do yourself a favor and learn how to effectively unwind. Get exercise and restful sleep. Take vacations. Engage in relaxing activities. Take care of yourself and your loved ones by learning to let go of your passion and intensity for a respite.

Ok these are good tips that I shall bear in mind, esp that of being aware of to whom I am speaking. It is intensely ironical that despite me being sincere and 'nice' and quasi diplomatic (but which usually inflames into sacarsm or uncomfortably candid comments), I often fail to observe the expressions and body language of the other party. I am just who I am. Which is good. And bad. After all, as the bible says, one should be as gentle as a dove but shrewed as a serpent. And shrewdness encompasses sharp observations and acting appropriately to them. Maybe this is also why I struggle to understand the relevance of intercultural communications, as I had not (still do not) see it as a manifested area of concern, despite my own experiences. Well, it could have been that I have been generally and equally respectful, but who knows my experiences could have been more meaningful and enhanced if I had been more mindful of certain cues. 
 
Yea, I agree about talking through my intuitions too. I also christen them 'intensed spurts of emotion and temper'. Thank God I have Art to whom I can talk through this area when it occurs. I remember in Cambodia when I was having great difficulty with some errant stupid boys that I just had to talk through it with Su-Li. Come to think of it, she must have thought I must be pretty strung up. I pray I will be able to find a good mentor in my internship and future workplace who can work through this with me.
 
And the last bit about relaxation is still a puzzle to me. People sometimes tell me to 'relax' and 'have fun'. Frankly, what is having fun? Ok, now it really looks bad. I mean, I don't seem to have fun as others do..I guess due to my highly-strung nature I take everything too seriously and with calculation. I told you social events can be stressful. Look at me 'having fun' and 'relaxing' now: what am I doing? Thinking through how to improve my personality?! Reading?! Writing stories?! Running?!!Travelling but with much stress cos I am alone and needed to remember the way (but which I want to do anyway cos it's 'fun')?! Ha! I am pretty masochistic I realise now. I think I can only have fun when I am truely with people with whom I feel totally comfortable with, like Art, and Hammie and Isaac (unless the activity is super-duper fun). Probably left to myself I will be doing psedo-'fun' things like what I am doing now =p humpz.  Well, I gotta apply what I have learnt: to take diligent in having fun, even if it is forcing myself to do so..like talking to people..playing games...blah blah.